Friday, 30 December 2016

2016 - A Gift In Many Ways

At the end of 2015 I thought I knew everything there was to know about everything but couldn't understand why my life was still in chaos. Now, at the end of 2016 I can see that even though I had a vague idea of certain things, they weren't driven home and properly solidified as lessons in the old grey matter yet. This year I've learned that:

- well, I've always known this but this year the point was really made clear to me; paradoxically, although children are expensive and seem to somehow know how to press my buttons, they are an endless reserve of love and support who are always there for me no matter what. This also extends to my children's partners, their ex-partners, their ex partners new partners (I know right!!), all of the friends and roomies and especially my grandchild. We really are one big happy family even with all of the ups and downs :)

- on the subject of money, I used to think that getting rich and famous through writing books was the be all and end all. Wrong again! I now know that learning to live on less, saying no to consumerism and living within my means is what actually brings peace of mind. This year I've learned to make $50.00 go a long way.

- still on the subject of money, finances and life stressors may bring me to my knees at times but then another 100 greater things will happen at any moment that will lift me back up again.

- yet still on the subject of money, I finally got a chance to do some travelling with my kids this year and while it was great, it certainly wasn't the holy grail I expected it to be; I've spent literally decades dreaming about that trip only to find myself, while there, fantasising about being back home again. Being at home with loved ones is awesome too and doesn't cost a cent.

- working really physically hard is what brings soul satisfaction - for me anyway.

- I can't write this and not mention all of the amazing people who have continued to support me. My family & friends on social media and in real life, the new people I've met through the local Writer's Group, my extended family including my sister, mother, brothers and stepfather - all of you have listened to me whine on about my personal problems, and helped in more practical ways, putting up with me and loving me anyway with no strings attached. Much love ♥

- complete strangers can act as Angels in our lives sometimes. I'm particularly referring to the man on the train who I wrote about on YV Noticeboard who made my daughter and I feel safe in a frightening situation and also the man who messaged me afterward. It's lovely to know people care and want to protect even in this day and age.

- the grief that almost consumed me a few years ago was finally laid to rest through an excellent Therapist (Vanessa) and Reiki Master (Karen). I've learned that sometimes physical symptoms and heartache can be healed with the right specialist/practitioner and that reaching out is not a sign of weakness.

- even if things do go heart-breakingly wrong and people leave your life, if they are supposed to be a part of your life, they'll find a way back to you, even if it seems impossible at the time.

- having just celebrated two years of celibacy, I have never been clearer about my goals for an intimate relationship. If it doesn't fit with my idea of how I expect it to play out, well, it's just not going to happen. No more Ms Nice Girl, no more playing along in situations that make me miserable, sexually or otherwise, so as to spare the other person's feelings. No more being too afraid to assert myself and my opinions of what's good for me. It's about self-love and self-respect and by God, it's about time I learned this lesson. How can people love and respect me if I don't love and respect myself? Being alone is better than putting up and shutting up.

- being free and single - which was bloody hard earnt - may not be something I'm ever willing to give up and that's okay.

- getting a chance to re-invent yourself at mid-life is actually a blessing.

- there really is a plan for everyone but sometimes you just have to be patient and wait for your planets to re-align :)

- finally finding your niche in the world - for me it was University - is the best feeling in the world.

- engagements, weddings and babies are a source of absolute, pure joy to be celebrated.

- nothing solves problems like kisses and cuddles with kids, or just anyone really (have I mentioned that already? :)

- and finally, if people are laughing at you behind your back, it could be because your hemorrhoid ointment has seeped through your clothing :)

Happy new year and peace & love to you and yours,

Linda M Malcolm

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