... she falters, she has doubts, she becomes indecisive, even fearful. Hers is the greatest of all errors: she has grown attached to life. She has dared, unwisely, to love. In her mind a contest rages, that of one who questions fate. Is she merely a lunatic's puppet? Is she destiny's slave or its author? Must she turn away from all the things and people she has grown to love? And is this love a reflection of some grand design, a taste of an ordered and divine creation? Is it truth or a departure from the truth? Romantic love, fraternal love, the love of a parent for a child and the love returned in kind - are they a mirror to God's face or the bitterest gall in a cosmos of sound and fury, signifying nothing?
As for me: there was a time in my life when I put aside all doubt and supped at the flower of heaven... what balm to the soul's holy ache... all my days I had scrutinised the tiniest workings of my life. I had gone about this task blandly, never fathoming my true motive. I gazed upon the smallest shapes and processes of nature, seeking divinity's fingerprints. Now the evidence had come to me, not at the end of a microscope, but in the face of this slender, dying woman and the touch of her hand across a cafe table. My long, lonely hours... seemed not an exile or imprisonment but a test I had passed. I WAS LOVED! ME... of Ohio! Loved by a woman, loved by a God - a great fatherly God who, measuring my trials, had found me worthy, I had not been made for nothing! And not just loved: I had been charged as Heaven's escort. The blue Aegean, where ancient gods and heroes were said to dwell: the whitewashed house one climbed a flight of stairs to reach; the humble bed and homespun furnishings; the workaday sounds of village life, and a terrace with a view of olive groves and the wild sea beyond; the soft white light of eternal mornings, growing brighter and brighter still. In my mind's eye I saw, saw it all. In my arms she would pass from this life to the next which surely existed after all, love having come to me - to both of us - at last.
Written 24th August, 2016